The Ashram Darshans

(K.R. Srinivasa Iyengar, "On the Mother", pp.358-361)

After Sri Aurobindo's complete withdrawal in November 1926, the opportunities for the sadhaks to see or communicate with him were very severely curtailed. This was a terrible deprivation for them, all the more so because they had so long basked unfettered in the old unrestricted sunshine. The sadhaks who came later, not having known the earlier freedom of personal interviews with the Master and the open Evening Talks with him, had perhaps less reason to complain; and, besides, some of them - Sethna, Nirod and Dilip, for example - had the privilege of regular correspondence with Sri Aurobindo, not only on matters pertaining to Yoga, but also on art, literature and poetic composition, and even on matters political and medical. This privilege, however, was not taken advantage of by all the sadhaks, many of whom were mainly engaged in Karmayoga, doing works as an offering to the Mother.

The Mother was always easily accessible, except during her illness of October 1931. Nevertheless, to meet in some measure the understandable desire of the sadhaks to see Sri Aurobindo and offer pranam to him, the three Darshan days of 21 February, 15 August and 24 November were set apart, when the sadhaks and a select number of visitors were permitted to have darshan of the two together - the Mother seated to the right of Sri Aurobindo - and offer pranam to them. Since 1926 the number had grown year by year, but intelligent and tactful management made it possible for the Darshan to be completed in the course of the forenoon, or at least before 2 p.m. The sadhaks and the permitted visitors first assembled in the Meditation Hall, and went up in a file carrying the garlands to be offered. A list giving the order in which they were to go up for darshan was put up on the notice board downstairs, and a copy was kept with Sri Aurobindo so that he could take note of the newcomers. Everyone was given a minute or two for making his pranam. Thus each was in the Darshan Room all alone with the visible divine Pair for a blissful interim, and then moved off, giving place to the next. However, from 1939 (whence 24 April became the fourth Darshan day) several changes in this procedure were unavoidable. "Putting up the list of names and indicating the time was stopped for good... as a check on unauthorised intrusion, cards were issued over signature of the Secretary." Later still, the work of issuing passes was transferred to a Bureau Central. The Darshan time was fixed "almost at 2 p.m.... To get an opportunity to touch the feet of the Master became a thing of the past... we had to form a queue and have Darshan while filling past."

Darshan, of course, was much more than a concession to mere human curiosity, and Pranam no mere concession to the vitalistic desire for touch or for demonstrative love and devotion. Sri Aurobindo himself conceded a place for such "physical means" of approaching the Guru, the visible Divine, and "receiving the Light and materialising the psychic contact", put they would defeat their purpose and might even have a baneful effect if they were not done in the right spirit, or were tainted by "indifference and inertia, or revolt or hostility, or some gross desire". The best state to be in for Darshan was to be recueilli, that is to say, to be "drawn back, quiet and collected in oneself, ready to receive whatever is vouchsafed.

For the sadhaks and disciples, the Darshan days came to acquire the character of milestones on the great journey to the Supramental Light and Force. There was hope and high expectancy in the air, the small room on the first floor of the Meditation House where the Darshan was to take place came to be decorated with loving care, and for the Ashram they were festive days as also days of fulfilment. "Each Darshan in our life," wrote Sahana Devi, "was an experience, nearly a supra-realisation." From Darshan to Darshan the heart yearned once again for the mystic face, the magic touch, and when another Darshan day dawned over the Ashram, there was a new elation and joy:

It brought to us the golden opportunity to reach out to the unattainable. He [Sri Aurobindo] instilled into us something that no one else could. Thus as the Darshan day approached our minds too, leaned to a self-gathering, with a view to receiving rightly....

And here is Narayan Prasad's remembrance of these regular occasions of benediction and grace:

To each the Master gave a penetrating and gracious look and then blessed him.... In those days the Master's Grace would rain over us like Amitabha Buddha's. As through glass windows the things in a room are visible, so the Master's yogic eye would penetrate our being and read our possibilities. Newcomers would return with a new energy to fight the battle of life.

The Sri Aurobindo-Mother-sadhak relationships in the Ashram acquired a focus and a clarification at the time of the Darshans. Although the sadhak could see the Mother daily, when he saw her on a Darshan day sitting by the side of Sri Aurobindo, it was an enriching and revealing moment for him. On one such occasion, in August 1934, Nirodbaran "felt a great dryness", instead of the expected Ananda, Force or Light. On the next Darshan, in November, Nirod thought that it was Shiva he was seeing, and felt Ananda too, and "these happy impressions and recollections were with me vividly for 2 or 3 days. Then I found that all that consciousness has evaporated - and I have passed these days most passively, without any strong aspiration. But I marked that there was no depression." On yet another occasion, while Nirod found Sri Aurobindo "grave and austere", he found the Mother smiling seraphically. But a more vivid index to Nirod's opening and reception is his poem:

Kapali Sastry's notes are brief but suggestive. Thus, after the Darshan on the Mother's birthday in 1936: "Sri Aurobindo gave recognition-smile. The Mother was gracious, putting a seal on his blessings." Again, on the same day next year:

The Mother looked long into me with a very benign smile and blessed me longer while my right cheek rested on her lap. Sri Aurobindo, majestic as usual, but not serious....

Darshan was always a seminal moment, an act of divine insurance, a moment in time and out of time when something that was truly timeless was sought and won. About the sort of instantaneous effect the Darshan could produce there is this testimony by a visitor:

One look of Sri Aurobindo at a man's heart, and it is conquered. There is a lustre in his eyes that infuses itself into the soul of man and sets it aflame. The flame goes on growing in intensity. He puts into the heart of man the flower-seed of Divine love that is sure to grow....

Such, then, were the gains of the Darshan for the sadhaks, disciples and visitors who filed past Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, and received the touch of their palms as the concrete symbol, as the electric currency, of their benedictions. It was certainly worth waiting for weeks, months and (with some) even for years; - but when would they be vouchsafed that grace again?

From Sri Aurobindo's or the Mother's point of view also, each Darshan had an importance of its own as a carefully controlled spiritual experiment. Every time Sri Aurobindo and the Mother tried to bring down a force or power of consciousness, a Ray of Light, a tremor of the Delight of Existence, and they would watch how the sadhaks and the others received it: whether there was a ready opening, or only the usual tamasic or rajasic resistance. For example, Sri Aurobindo wrote as follows about the Darshan on his sixty-fifth birthday, 15 August 1936:

The last Darshan was good on the whole. I am not now trying to bring anything sensational down on these days, but I am watching the progress in the action of the Force and Consciousness that are already there, the infiltration of a greater Light and Power from above, and there was a very satisfactory crossing of a difficult border which promises well for the near future. A thing has been done which had long failed to accomplish itself and which is of great importance... it forms part of an arranged whole which is explicable only when it is complete. But it gives a sort of strong practical assurance that the thing will be done.

In a Yoga that was verily a struggle and a march, the Darshan struck Sri Aurobindo as the crossing of a difficult border presaging ultimate victory. And wasn't the descent of the Supramental on 29 February 1956 the most decisive crossing into the Next Future, altering the whole character of the divine communion, introducing a fundamental change in the Sri Aurobindo-Mother-disciple relationships? As the Mother explained in her talk of 15 August 1956, - the day she had distributed the flower symbolising the supramental manifestation,

In the days when Sri Aurobindo used to give Darshan, before he gave it there was always a concentration of certain forces or of a certain realisation which he wanted to give to people. And so each Darshan marked a stage forward; each time something was added. But that was at a time when the number of visitors was very limited. It was organised in another way, and it was part of the necessary preparation.

But this special concentration, now, occurs at other times, not parti­cularly on Darshan days. And it occurs much more often, on other kinds of occasions, in other circumstances. The movement is much accelerated, the march forward, the stages succeed each other much more rapidly. And perhaps it is more difficult to follow; or in any case, if one doesn't take care to keep up, one is more quickly out-distanced than before; one gets the feeling of being late or of being abandoned. Things change quickly.

New Year's Day

(K.R. Srinivasa Iyengar, "On the Mother", pp.364-367)

The coming of the New Year was celebrated in the Ashram at midnight every 31 December, and there was always a phenomenal concentration of aspiration. Before 1932, the sadhaks were permitted to walk up to the Mother's room to make pranam and receive her blessings. Sahana Devi's memories of the coming of 1929, 1930 and 1931 almost re-create those phoenix-moments of rebirth:

It used to be a remarkable experience for us at that hour, in the silent depths of us all everything seemed to be self-gathered within in tune with the sombre night. The Mother too seemed to reveal herself in an eternity ofexpressive beauty. We too lost our limited selves as we silently mounted the stairs to receive the eternal touch from her carefully guarding within the aspiration of the possibility of a new birth. On crossing the threshold into the room we would see the Mother seated on a chair faintly illumined by only a dim pink light - a dreamland of roseate hue. Her face alone was bright, as bright as the first glow of dawn.... As we got up after bowing to her she blessed us with her radiant smile handing us something more concrete in the shape of an orange or a piece of chocolate. Whatever she gave, however apparently insignificant, seemed to us as something de­signed to shatter our sleep in ignorance.

The Mother's illness in October 1931 led to a change of procedure on the night of 31 December heralding 1932. This time, the sadhaks gathered in he Meditation Hall and the adjoining courtyard before midnight, and as he ardours of the many mingled in a sea of silent aspiration, there was a session of collective meditation. Then, at the blissful moment of the birth of the New Year, to quote Sahana Devi again:

...like a flash of light tearing asunder the veil of darkness, pealed out a resonant chord from the organ and with it flooded out her voice in song. Her voice had a quality of magical power rising from the profundities as if endeavouring to awaken our consciousness to meet the light from above.

The strains of that marvellous music seemed to waft the listeners to the heavens of immaculate fullness and peace, and when the music came to a close, the sadhaks walked up to the Mother to receive her blessings as also the fruits or sweets. "The Mother appeared to me," reminisces Romen Palit, "like a Queen of Beauty in the semi-darkness of midnight."

From 1933, the Mother started distributing a message after ushering in the New Year with her ambrosial music. By and by such messages came to be circulated widely even outside the Ashram, and thus many who couldn't Participate in the midnight ceremony were also able to receive the Mother's benedictions and guidance for the New Year. Sadhaks and disciples kept the New Year messages on their tables throughout the year as an exhortation and as a protection. In course of time, the New Year messages came to carry the word-power of the 'Orders of the Day' of a spiritual Generalissimo engaged in fighting the forces of darkness, ignorance and tamas that threatened to overwhelm the world.

The first New Year messages seemed to come charged with a distinctive spiritual force. A combination of meditation and prayer, resolution and exhortation, the messages touched sensitive responsive chords in the
sadhaks and became engines of new aspiration and purposive action:

1933: Let the birth of the new year be the new birth of our consciousness Leaving the past far behind us, let us run towards a luminous future

1934: Lord, the year is dying and our gratitude bows down to Thee. Lord the year is reborn, our prayer rises up to Thee. Let it be for us also the dawn of a new life.

1935: We surrender to Thee this evening all that is artificial and false, all that pretends and imitates. Let it disappear with the year that is at an end. May only what is perfectly true, sincere, straight and pure subsist in the year that is beginning.

1936: О Lord! grant that this year may be the year of Thy Victory. We aspire for a perfect faithfulness which would make us worthy of it.

1937: Glory to Thee, О Lord, who triumphest over every obstacle! Grant that nothing in us may be an impediment to Thy work.

1938: Lord, grant that everything in us may be ready for Thy realisation. On the threshold of the new year we bow down to Thee, О Lord, Supreme Realiser.

How did these messages first germinate in the Mother's deeper consciousness and achieve formulation in language of such adequacy and forcefulness? They were written by the Mother in French, at once with spontaneous ease and classical finish, but even the English translations retained the life-force and memorability of the originals. By what compulsion, then, by what art, did the words come in that order to set human hearts ablaze, to set thinking minds a task, to direct human lives towards the goal? There was of course the periodical need for an annual message for the benefit of the growing Ashram community and the even wider circle of followers outside. But with the Mother, it was never an intel­lectual or literary exercise. Neither was it merely a piece of advice or exhortation to others. Many years later, the Mother once explained how the New Year message usually came to her more or less as a response to some recent challenging event or experience. A New Year message was expected to reveal what was going to happen during the unfolding year. It could be a piece of prophecy; a warning, perhaps; perhaps a hope, perhaps an assurance.

For example, on 1 January 1958, the Mother was to explain the genesis of her New Year message as follows:

It is an experience, something that happened, and when it happened I noted it down, and as it turned out, it occurred just at the moment when I remembered that I had to write something for the year - which was next year at that time, that is, the year which begins today. When I remembered that I had to write something - not because of that, but simultaneously - this experience came, and when I had noted it down, I realised that it was... it was the message for this year!

The Mother's Birthday

The Supramental Manifestation Day

February 29, 1956

(During the common meditationon Wednesday the 29th February 1956)

"This evening the Divine Presence, concrete and material, was there present amongst you. I had a form of living gold, bigger than the universe, and I was facing a huge and massive golden door which separated the world from the Divine.

As I looked at the door, I knew and willed, in a single movement of consciousness, that THE TIME HAS COME’, and lifting with both hands a mighty golden hammer I struck one blow, one single blow on the door and the door was shattered to pieces.

Then the supramental Light and Force and Consciousness rushed down upon earth in an uninterrupted flow."

From the Mother's "Agenda", Vol.1

"The manifestation of the Supramental upon earth is no more a promise but a living fact, a reality."

"It is at work here, and one day will come when the most blind, the most unconscious, even the most unwilling shall be obliged to recognise it."

On 10 July 1957 the Mother said "I saw the reality that was behind, and this put me in touch with all that world of religion and worship, of aspiration, man's whole relationship with the gods, which was the flower of the human spiritual effort towards what is higher than he. And suddenly I had concretely, materially, the impression that it was another world, a world that had ceased to be real, living, an outdated world which had lost its reality, its truth, which had been transcended, surpassed by something which had taken birth and was only beginning to express itself, but whose life was so intense, so true, so sublime, that all this became false, unreal, worthless.... the old spirituality was an escape from life into the divine Reality, leaving the world just where it was, as it was; whereas our new vision, on the contrary, is a divinisation of life, a transformation of the material world into a divine world. This has been said, repeated, more or less understood, indeed it is the basic idea of what we want to do. But this could be a continuation with an improvement, a widening of the old world as it was – and so long as this is a conception up there in the field of thought, in fact it is hardly more than that - but what has happened, the really new thing, is that a new world is born, born, born. It is not the old one transforming itself, it is a new world, which is born. And we are right in the midst of this period of transition where the two are entangled – where the outer still persists all-powerful and entirely dominating the ordinary consciousness, but where the new one is quietly slipping in, still very modest, unnoticed – unnoticed to the extent that outwardly it does not disturb anything very much, for the time being, and that in the consciousness of most people it is even altogether imperceptible. And yet it is working, growing – until it is strong enough to assert itself visibly.

"In any case, to simplify things, it could be said that characteristically the old world, the creation of what Sri Aurobindo calls the Overmind, was an age of the gods, and consequently the age of religions.... And at the very summit of all that, as an effort towards a higher realisation there has arisen the idea of the unity of religions, of this "one single thing" which is behind all these manifestations; and this idea has truly been, so to speak, the extreme limit of human aspiration.... To grasp it, a reversal is needed. It is necessary to leave the Overmind creation. It was necessary that the new creation, the supramental creation should take place."

"In the supramental creation there will no longer be any religions. The whole life will be the expression, the flowering into forms of the divine Unity manifesting in the world. And there will no longer be what men call gods."

"When the physical substance is supramentalised, to incarnate on earth will no longer be a cause of inferiority, quite the contrary. It will give a plenitude which cannot be obtained otherwise."

"But all this is in future; it is a future... which has begun, but which will take some time to be realised integrally. Meanwhile we are in a very special situation, extremely special, without precedent. We are now witnessing the birth of a new world; it is very young, very weak – not in its essence but in its outer manifestation--not yet recognised, not even felt, denied by the majority. But it is here. It is here, making an effort to grow, absolute sure of the result. But the road to it is a completely new road which has never before been traced out – nobody has gone there, nobody has done that! It is a beginning, a universal beginning. So, it is an absolutely unexpected and unpredictable adventure."

On 24 February 1957 the Mother announced "Up to now, all that has manifested of this divinity is the world as we know it; but the manifestation is boundless, and after this mental world as we know it, of which the apex and prototype is man, another reality will manifest, which Sri Aurobindo calls the Supermind, for it is in fact the next step after the mind; so, seen from the world as it is, it will naturally be " supramental", that is, something above the mind. And he also says that it will truly be the changing of one world into another, for so far the whole creation belonged to what he calls the "lower hemisphere" as we know it, which is governed by Ignorance and based upon the Inconscient, whereas the other one will be a complete reversal, the sudden appearance of something which will belong to quite a different world, and which instead of being based on Ignorance will be based upon Truth. That is why it will truly be a new world."

The Mother clarified, "But this material world as it actually, visibly is, is so powerful, so absolutely real for the ordinary consciousness, that it has engulfed, as it were, this supramental force and consciousness when it manifested, and a long preparation is necessary before its presence can be even glimpsed, felt, perceived in some way or other. And this is the work it is doing now. How long it will take is difficult to foresee. It will depend a great deal on the goodwill and receptivity of a certain number of people, for the individual always advances faster than the collectivity, and by its very nature, humanity is destined to manifest the Supermind before the rest of creation. At the basis of this collaboration there is necessarily the will to change, no longer to be what one is, for things to be no longer what they are...What is indispensable in every case is the ardent will for progress, the willing and joyful renunciation of all that hampers the advance to throw far away from oneself all that prevents one from going forward, and to set out into the unknown with the ardent faith that this is the truth of tomorrow, inevitable, which must necessarily come, which nothing, nobody, no bad will, even that of Nature, can prevent from becoming a reality – perhaps of a not too distant future – a reality which is being worked out now and which those who know how to change, how not to be weighed down by old habits, will surely have the good fortune not only to see but to realise."

(CWM, Vol.9, pp.148-158)

Sri Aurobindo's Birthday

15 August 1947

(Sri Aurobindo, On Himself, SABCL, Vol. 26, pp. 404-406)

August 15th, 1947 is the birthday of free India. It marks for her the end of an old era, the beginning of a new age. But we can also make it by our life and acts as a free nation an important date in a new age opening for the whole world, for the political, social, cultural and spiritual future of humanity.

August 15th is my own birthday and it is naturally gratifying to me that it should have assumed this vast significance. I take this coincidence, not as a fortuitous accident, but as the sanction and seal of the Divine Force that guides my steps on the work with which I began life, the beginning of its full fruition. Indeed, on this day I can watch almost all the world-movements which I hoped to see fulfilled in my lifetime, though then they looked like impracticable dreams, arriving at fruition or on their way to achievement. In all these movements free India may well play a large part and take a leading position.

The first of these dreams was a revolutionary movement which would create a free and united India. India today is free but she has not achieved unity. At one moment it almost seemed as if in the very act of liberation she would fall back into the chaos of separate States which preceded the British conquest. But fortunately it now seems probable that this danger will be averted and a large and powerful, though not yet a complete union will be established. Also, the wisely drastic policy of the Constituent Assembly has made it probable that the problem of the depressed classes will be solved without schism or fissure. But the old communal division into Hindus and Muslims seems now to have hardened into a permanent political division of the country. It is to be hoped that this settled fact will not be accepted as settled for ever or as anything more than a temporary expedient. For if it lasts, India may be seriously weakened, even crippled: civil strife may remain always possible, possible even a new invasion and foreign conquest. India’s internal development and prosperity may be impeded, her position among the nations weakened, her destiny impaired or even frustrated. This must not be; the partition must go. Let us hope that that may come about naturally, by an increasing recognition of the necessity not only of peace and concord but of common action, by the practice of common action and the creation of means for that purpose. In this way unity may finally come about under whatever form — the exact form may have a pragmatic but not a fundamental importance. But by whatever means, in whatever way, the division must go; unity must and will be achieved, for it is necessary for the greatness of India’s future.

Another dream was for the resurgence and liberation of the peoples of Asia and her return to her great role in the progress of human civilisation. Asia has arisen; large parts are now quite free or are at this moment being liberated: its other still subject or partly subject parts are moving through whatever struggles towards freedom. Only a little has to be done and that will be done today or tomorrow. There India has her part to play and has begun to play it with an energy and ability which already indicate the measure of her possibilities and the place she can take in the council of the nations.

The third dream was a world-union forming the outer basis of a fairer, brighter and nobler life for all mankind. That unification of the human world is under way; there is an imperfect initiation organised but struggling against tremendous difficulties. But the momentum is there and it must inevitably increase and conquer. Here too India has begun to play a prominent part and, if she can develop that larger statesmanship which is not limited by the present facts and immediate possibilities but looks into the future and brings it nearer, her presence may make all the difference between a slow and timid and a bold and swift development. A catastrophe may intervene and interrupt or destroy what is being done, but even then the final result is sure. For unification is a necessity of Nature, an inevitable movement. Its necessity for the nations is also clear, for without it the freedom of the small nations may be at any moment in peril and the life even of the large and powerful nations insecure. The unification is therefore to the interests of all, and only human imbecility and stupid selfishness can prevent it; but these cannot stand for ever against the necessity of Nature and the Divine Will. But an outward basis is not enough; there must grow up an international spirit and outlook, international forms and institutions must appear, perhaps such developments as dual or multilateral citizenship, willed interchange or voluntary fusion of cultures. Nationalism will have fulfilled itself and lost its militancy and would no longer find these things incompatible with self-preservation and the integrality of its outlook. A new spirit of oneness will take hold of the human race.

Another dream, the spiritual gift of India to the world has already begun. India’s spirituality is entering Europe and America in an ever increasing measure. That movement will grow; amid the disasters of the time more and more eyes are turning towards her with hope and there is even an increasing resort not only to her teachings, but to her psychic and spiritual practice.

The final dream was a step in evolution which would raise man to a higher and larger consciousness and begin the solution of the problems which have perplexed and vexed him since he first began to think and to dream of individual perfection and a perfect society. This is still a personal hope and an idea, an ideal which has begun to take hold both in India and in the West on forward-looking minds. The difficulties in the way are more formidable than in any other field of endeavour, but difficulties were made to be overcome and if the Supreme Will is there, they will be overcome. Here too, if this evolution is to take place, since it must proceed through a growth of the spirit and the inner consciousness, the initiative can come from India and, although the scope must be universal, the central movement may be hers.

Such is the content which I put into this date of India’s liberation; whether or how far this hope will be justified depends upon the new and free India.

August 15th Darshan

by Sahana Devi

Sri Aurobindo could be seen only on the Darshan days and no other. Therefore to get his Darshan was something to eagerly look forward to — to wait from one Darshan to another with a thirst in the heart beating eagerly but not easily appeased. Can one ever have his expectations fulfilled, having seen Sri Aurobindo only once? Just seeing him cannot be called a Darshan of Sri Aurobindo. Each Darshan in our life was an experience, nearly a supra-realisation. It brought to us the golden opportunity to reach out to the unattainable. He instilled into us something that no one else could. Thus as the Darshan day approached our minds, too leaned to a self-gathering, with a view to receiving rightly; this occupied the whole of ourselves. Darshan was to start at seven o'clock in the morning. The decorations of the Darshan room began usually from the previous night. From my room I could hear the hum of those engaged in the work and see the arrival of flowers in abundance and other paraphernelia. The awareness of all this gave rise to waves of joy in me to feel that soon as the morning broke I would see Sri Aurobindo, approach him and receive his touch — things of such wonderful feelings. The intensity of our feelings was thrilling when we had the occasion of Sri Aurobindo's Darshan. It is quite impossible to express in words the feelings of joy, a joy that is of a quite different quality — as if it was descending from heaven.

The Mother's Mahasamadhi Day

November 17, 1973

We arrived in an Ashram which had about 300 adults - serious, very very sincere, consecrated, committed disciples around Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. There were no children! Then a few of us came, in twos and threes, within months. I shall try to share it with you as one felt as a child of eight or nine being here. Not as I see it now and interpret it as an adult, but what it was like for a child. Most of our time, though we had houses which the Mother had given us to live in, was spent in the main Ashram. We went home only for a few hours to sleep. There was no school. We didn't need any studies! What was given to us, more than filled our lives. We lived in that courtyard of the Ashram. The Mother saw us several times a day. She took us up in Her total care: soul, mind, body - whatever we were at that age.

A mother, both human and Divine. Our natural mothers were there, but here was another one for us who was infinitely more. And we were always aware of Sri Aurobindo's presence. Even as a child, one knew He was there. You know, there was a kind of absoluteness we felt at that time. We were conscious of it. It filled every nook and cranny, each room big and small, of the compound of the Ashram, which was our home. There were great beings living there, great personalities. We were conscious that they were great beings, without knowing anything more. And though we barged into an atmosphere which was of a different order, a high-pointed concentrated endeavour for a spiritual realisation, they gave of their being to us in a manner which is unbelievable. That was our life, our education. We didn't need anything else, nothing else. They gave us love and we had a feeling that they poured their very being into us in silence. 'Gratitude' is a very mild word for what one feels for that total atmosphere in which we lived in the Ashram. It was something solid - I feel it literally in the body, it is so strong. There was a fulsomeness which is unbelievable.

As we grew up, a couple of things which the Mother used to say to us repeatedly, might be meaningful to share. Between the ages of nine to twelve, every month or two, as we went to Her She said two little sentences, like mantras, without explaining them. She would say, 'Find your Psychic Being.' Just these four words! And the second, 'Be conscious.' Now, what did we understand? We came down the staircase after seeing Her, we walked across the courtyard, played and moved around, but those two phrases rang in our being somewhere. Every month or two She would say it regularly. Only on one occasion, I remember, She tried to explain to us what it meant. "Be conscious", She said, "to be aware of every movement that arises in you. It is not a question of whether the movement is good or bad. Be aware of it. And take it out of your being and put it in front of your consciousness." That's all She said.

And how She worked on us - on every part of our being, big or small of our external personality, and with touches of the soul, bringing forth our inner being. I will just add two things. There were no wrong movements in us, as we spent a whole life under Her gaze, Her penetrating gaze, that escaped Her observation. No right attitude that She failed to notice and speak to us about. She was all love. She had firmness, She chided us when needed. She had an infinite number of ways of dealing with us but always with an incredible love.

She had one special action that all of us have known which She used to call a 'surgical operation'. When She saw something very recalcitrant in us that would not be changed, modified or worked upon She would watch it and then on one day She would say: "Shall I perform a surgical operation? Can you take it?" If we looked unprepared... well, She would say, "I'll wait." She didn't give up! If She found you ready, She said, "I think you are ready." And you know what it was? It is funny today we talk about surgery by laser and non-invasive surgery. This was in the mid-forties. You would be in front of Her. There was a special look, action, movement of Her consciousness which was literally like a laser beam. It went straight to that 'spot' in our consciousness. You could feel it. Even as children or youngsters we could feel that point which was hard and resistant and wouldn't leave us. The 'laser action' would penetrate it and pulverise it. I remember this very distinctly. I think She would 'scoop' it out and throw it out of our consciousness. Or She would pulverise it, which is exactly what the surgeon today is doing. It is very interesting to notice that. She would break it up into bits, work on them, modify those bits, those elements and get them absorbed in the rest of our consciousness. Well, the 'hollow' left behind the 'scooping' was really like an open wound. It hurt right there. And a wound in consciousness is more than a wound in flesh, I can tell you that. And we would go home devastated. But soon She would fill that vacuum or that 'hollow' with Her love. You could feel a fullness of love in the space that She had scooped out. A day or two later She would look at you and give you a dazzling smile. And say, "You know, you took it rather well." And the smile acted like anaesthesia.

I cannot talk of that period without talking of the four Darshan days. Sri Aurobindo was always there for us. Always, always. What happened on the four Darshan days? His presence was there all the time in our daily lives as we moved and played around. The great disciples met and wrote Him letters, got replies. We were children. But we knew He was there. And I am telling you this as the child felt it, not as an adult interpreting the occasion. A few days before the Darshan, there was a tremendously massive, absolute, concrete presence - I think you could take it in your hand almost - that not only filled the Ashram compound but spilt over into all the neighbouring streets. And you couldn't walk into those streets without walking into the concrete, solid presence. It started a good week or three to four days before the Darshan.

And when we stood before Them, the majesty of the Dual Beings was before us - we have photographs, we go to that room, to the Darshan seat now - but there is something of that presence in the physical that stands by itself. Sri Aurobindo sat like the Lord, majestic. And the Mother beside Him sat very, very straight. And it was not the Mother we met everyday three or four times. The Mother beside Sri Aurobindo on the Darshan days was like another Being. You have no idea. She was much, much too high for us to even look up to. She was another Being altogether.

The Mother used to say, "But what will we do, if you never come down?" Her answer was, "You must learn to feel me within." That we did. But when you have the Divine in human form, one can't imagine what is the kind of attraction and charm of that manifestation. There was always that being within us. But to have the Divine in a human form moving amongst you, working with you, doing things, telling you - you cannot imagine the 'attractiveness' - in the deeper sense of the word - of that presence on earth and in your midst and all the twenty-four hours. So She said: "You must learn to feel me within."

But the other dimension of the inner contact with the Mother came only after 1973. What was that threshold that She took us through? Somehow as I thought of this morning's gathering, I have been specially aware of this threshold.

When I learnt about the Mother’s passing it was strange. One was very quiet. Later in the evening, we came and stood near the Mother's couch in the Meditation Hall. Quiet, not knowing what to expect. It was very strange, the communication that came through from Her - that nothing has changed. The communication is one thing but how does one receive it? Does it sort out things in one's mind?

Nineteenth and twentieth. That evening there was a very unusual experience. I didn't understand it then. I don't understand it even now. I came to the Ashram in the evening around 8 o'clock. As I stepped into the courtyard, the Samadhi was different. But this was physically so, it was not an imagination. It seemed like being very 'full', much bigger and a little above the ground, with a gap in between. The gap was all white. And it was bursting with fullness. And it was so concrete, so real that it has not left me since. And it did seem strange. Bursting with fullness as though it could not contain what was inside. And very curiously, there was a kind of joy in that fullness. I couldn't understand. But it was so over-powering that I told a few close friends, with whom I shared this. Bursting with some kind of a joy and a fullness! Physically it had expanded and had kind of gone above the ground. And it was like that for a few weeks. I don't know what it means.

I can only share what a lot of us have gone through since then. From then to now. Happened in days, didn't take too long, surprisingly. All of the Mother had somehow gone within. You know we used to see Her physical presence. We used to write to Her everything. A sense that here was something, a projection outside of us in a kind of space - that feeling was not there any longer, that sensibility. It was all within. And in the process what started was an action on the body. The work on the individual's body, which to my experience at least had not taken place in our lives in the Ashram before that. An intense working within the body, as though the body had recovered its own inwardness. As though we were suddenly becoming aware of the body in the sense of its own inner consciousness. And the work of change - of action, of uprooting of the problems in the body, of material substance, of refining matter, giving it another hue, another vibration, another quality - that has gone on all these years; stronger than ever before and faster.

To conclude with one sentence we can say that the work that goes on in the individual - and if you look around in the world today - it is going on in the universe. A whole restructurisation of matter is taking place. Whether you look at the latest findings of scientific research and the technology that has come from it or from the problems of civilisation and culture and globalisation and all the rest in the world that we live in - there is a whole restructuring of matter that is taking place. And in a movement that is going faster than ever, ever before. Perhaps it is a moment when old lines of divisions between soul and mind and matter are thinning to such a point as to form a pattern of wholeness. This seems to be the action that is taking place both in the individual and in the universe.

So there is the Mother with us - in an infinity and eternity of Her Being and Action.

Siddhi Day

November 24, 1926

(Nolini Kanta Gupta - Vol.8, pp.203-207)

Even before that date for some time past, Sri Aurobindo had been more and more withdrawing into himself and retiring within. An external sign of this became visible to us as his lunch hour shifted gradually towards the afternoon. We used to have our meal together and the Mother too ate with us, at the Library House, in the room now used by Ravindra as the fruit-room. There used to be about eight or ten of us. On the previous day, Sri Aurobindo came down to lunch when it was past four. We would naturally wait till he came. Then the great day arrived. In the afternoon, it was in fact already getting dark, all of us had gone out as usual. I was on the sea-front. Suddenly, someone came running at full speed and aid to me, "Go, get back at once; the Mother is calling everybody." I had not the least idea as to what might be the reason. I came back running and went straight up, to, the verandah facing the Prosperity room. Sri Aurobindo used to take his seat there in the evening for his talks with us or rather for answering our questions. As I came up, a strange scene met my eyes. Sri Aurobindo was seated in his chair, the Mother sat at his feet, both of them with their faces turned towards us. I looked round to see, if all were present. Satyen was missing and I said, "Satyen has not come. Shall I call him in?" The Mother spoke out, "Yes, all, all." All were called in, everybody was now present. We took our seats before Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, both of whom were facing us. The whole scene and atmosphere had a heavenly halo. Sri Aurobindo held his left hand above the Mother's head and his right hand was extended to us in benediction. Everything was silent and still, grave and expectant. We stood up one by one and went and bowed at the feet of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. After a while, both of them went inside. And then, Datta who had been among us, suddenly exclaimed at the top of her voice, as though an inspired Prophetess of the old mysteries, "The Lord has descended. He has conquered death and sorrow. He has brought down immortality." From this time onwards, Sri. Aurobindo went into retire­ment, that is to say, did not come out any more for his evening talks. The Mother made her appearance and it was with the Mother that we started our contacts. The Mother would now sit down daily for her medita­tions with all of us together, in the evening after nightfall. That was the beginning of collective meditation. She made a special arrangement for our seating. To her right would sit one group and to her left another, both arranged in rows. The right side of the Mother represented Light, on the left was Power. Each of us found a seat to her right or left according to the turn of our nature of the inner being. I was to her right, Amrita sat on her left. A strange thing used to happen every day at these medita­tions. Purushottam was one of our number in those days. He used to sit directly in front of the Mother, a little apart from the rest of us. As soon as the meditation began, he would begin to sway his body and even move about with his eyes closed while still meditating. He would come and get hold of some of us, give them a thorough kneading and would not even hesitate to tear at the hair on their head or face. In those days, almost all of us sported a beard and a moustache and wore our hair long. He used to say that this was his allotted work, this work of purification and helping in the purification. Not only did anyone ever raise an objection to this kind of molestation, it was accepted by all with perfect equanimity, with joy almost; it was considered to be a necessity, a sign of the Mother's Grace. But these attentions were reserved only for two or three people. During this process, the Mother of course remained silent and engrossed in meditation. All was done, no doubt, under her control and guidance, but from an inner poise. One day, Purushottam proclaimed to the Mother in a loud voice, "Mother, I do not mean it as a boast, I mention this to you in utter humility: Mother, just as you are the highest Force of the Supreme, even so I am the lowest force of this earth-nature. You have given me the privilege of being a collaborator in your Work." He used to say that Sesha-naga, the primal energy that sustains the material world, had manifested in him, that he was Sesha-naga itself. He was the spirit of Inconscience, of the Force in the nether world; his task was to work in that darkness, sweep it clean and make room for the Light, the Higher Forces of the Mother. This manner of working continued for some time; then it came to a halt, and we had only meditations. The Mother's endeavour at that time was for a new crea­tion, the creation here of a new inner world of the Divine Consciousness. She had brought down the Higher Forces, the Gods, into the earth atmosphere, into our inner being and consciousness. A central feature of that endeavour was that she had placed each of us in touch with his inner god­head. Every individual has what may be described as his line of spiritual descent and also ascent; for into each indi­vidual consciousness has come down from the supreme Maha Shakti an individual divine being, a particular god­head following a particular line of manifestation of divine power, vibhuti. To bear inwardly the touch of this divinity and found it securely within oneself, to concentrate on it and become one with it, to go on manifesting it in one's outer life, this was the aim of the sadhana at the time. This was a period of extreme concentration and one-pointedness, a "tortoise phase" of the sadhana one might call it. Like the tortoise one had to gather oneself in, limbs and all, and hide as in a shell by cutting oneself off from all outward touches. This was a temporary necessity in order to main­tain the consciousness of the individual and the collectivity always at a high level and keep it unsullied and unchanged. Our give and take with the outside world was very little indeed and it was carried on under the strictest vigilance. All around us there had been fixed a cordon, an iron curtain almost. Even among ourselves, personal contacts like meeting one another or the paying of visits had been reduced to the barest minimum. To use the poetic language of Tagore, we seemed to be blossoming forth

Like a flower in the air, stemless
And sufficient unto itself...

But after following out this line for some distance, the Mother could see that the new creation, even if it came about, would be something narrow and confined to a limited circle, and for the most part effective only for an inner action. But that has not been her aim. The new creation must embrace the entire human race, a new race of men must be created and not merely a small select group. And in that new creation must be included not only the inner being of man but also his vital and physical life. In other words, we have to come down to the lower levels and work for the purification there, in order to raise them beyond themselves by the infusion of the higher consciousness and make them fit instruments for the higher things. We are still continuing with that work, through the "ups and downs of an uneven path"

Sri Aurobindo's Mahasamadhi Day

5 December, 1950

Udar Pinto Reminiscenses

(S. Kumari “More Vignettes of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother” pp.164-169)

Sri Aurobindo fell ill. He suffered very much yet kept quiet. He didn't say anything to anybody. In the end he began to find it difficult to breathe. Dr. Sanyal felt it necessary to give oxygen so the Mother asked me to arrange for it. I got an oxygen cylinder and was shown how to use it. The Mother asked me to manipulate it, so I happened to be in Sri Aurobindo's room at the time of his passing, otherwise I had no business there.

Sri Aurobindo entered into a state which is medically called "coma." It is the last stage preceding the end. We all were tremen­dously surprised when suddenly in a clear and firm voice Sri Aurobindo asked, "Nirod, what is the time?" Nobody expected a person in a coma to talk. Even Nirod had such a shock. He is a doctor and he knows. Nirod answered shakily, "Sir, Sir, it is one o'clock."

After speaking Sri Aurobindo went back into what doctors call coma but what I feel was a deep meditation. His breathing became slower and slower with longer and longer gaps. There were a number of people standing there and Champaklal was massaging his feet. When the end was very near I knew of it because the gaps between breaths became longer and longer.

Dr. Sanyal asked that the Mother be sent for. So the Mother came and stood there — a wonderful statue of strength and silence — and finally there was no further pulse. Sri Aurobindo had taken the last breath. I was just standing back watching the whole scene and keeping quiet because I knew that I was standing at a great moment in history. Dr. Sanyal was feeling Sri Aurobindo's pulse when he took his last breath, so he knew that Sri Aurobindo had passed away and started removing the oxygen tube that was in his nostrils. Then Champaklal realised that Sri Aurobindo had passed away and he started crying hysterically, "Mother, what has hap­pened? Mother, what has happened?" I could see that everybody was in a state of shock.

Dr. Sanyal didn't know what to do. He looked around and saw me standing a little to the back. Then he said to the Mother, "Mother, it seems Udar is the only calm person in the room, so I suggest that you give charge of the whole matter to him." Then the Mother turned to me and said, "Udar, you take charge of every­thing and come to me for directions," and she turned round and walked away.

Sri Aurobindo had passed away; yet he didn't look as if he had done so. There was such a glow around his face. That can happen to some people but after a time the glow passes. In the case of Sri Aurobindo it didn't pass away. It remained, increased and became a golden light around him. I could see it — it was very visible, very clear, and we knew that some great Force was within him though his soul had left the body.

The Mother said, "The body will be kept as it is. There will be no immediate burial." Then she called me and told me to arrange for the Samadhi. She said, "I want to keep him in the centre of the Ashram. There are those three tanks in the courtyard. Keep the western tank as it is; the other two you can join into one.* Go deep down, go down ten feet. Put Sri Aurobindo's casket at the bottom. Then at five feet, put a slab." She gave me instructions of exactly what to do and even detailed instructions when it came to cutting roots of the Service Tree in the Ashram courtyard. I consulted the Mother at each step. She would be standing upstairs giving direc­tions from the corridor.

* There was a time when what is now the main building of the Ashram consisted of rented houses. When they were purchased and joined together, a lot of construction work went on. In order to wash the bricks, and to mix cement and lime for this work, three tanks were built in 1930, in what is now the central courtyard. When the construction work was over, the Mother gave instructions that these three tanks should be filled up with sand, and that pots with various types of ferns should be kept on top of them.

We didn't get outside labour. The whole thing was dug by ourselves. There was a man named Kaplan at Golconde. He came and worked like three men. I proposed to the Mother and she approved that we make a real room, a kind of vault, a solid room made of concrete blocks, with a concrete slab flooring and with a concrete roof. Then the Mother told me to build two rooms one below and one above and I was very upset and objected, "Why two rooms?" First she was quiet and afterwards she told me, "Because I order you to do so." After that there was nothing for me to say. I had to make two rooms. Later the Mother told me, "You know, it is good tactics to let the hostile forces think that what they want will happen." I understood her to mean that if the hostile beings were made to believe that she was sure of her own death, they would not attack her too much, or put too many obstacles in her way.

Then she gave instructions for the making of the coffin. The coffin was made of very solid wood and lined with silver sheet and silk. It was very heavy and had large brass strips and rings for carrying with rope.

Sri Aurobindo was still on his bed. There was this golden light around him. It was something remarkable and marvellous. What a Force was emanating from his body, unbelievable! And of course, thousands of people came as soon as the news of his passing became known. There was a continuous stream of people passing by his body to have his last Darshan. It went on like this till the morning of the 9th. Then the doctors said to the Mother, "Mother, decomposition has set in. Start preparations to have him buried." The Mother turned to me and said, "Udar, arrange for it." I said, "No, Mother. You have given me charge and so I protest. I am a layman and they are great doctors and I don't want to contradict them, but I know one thing. When decomposition sets in there is an unmistakable smell, I have smelt it in several cases — I know. Where is that smell? There is only a perfume coming out. If you go near Sri Aurobindo there is a celestial perfume. As long as there is no smell, as a layman I say there is no decomposition and I will not bury him. You have given me charge. I will physically prevent anybody from burying him." I was furious — the doctors kept quiet. It was something beyond medical science. So I had every right to speak.

Then the Mother called me to one side and told me very quietly, "Udar, I don't go by what the doctors have said. I have my own reasons. You know that golden light that was around his face and body all these days?" I replied, "Yes, Mother, it was a marvellous light." She asked, "Do you see the light now?" And I had to admit the light had gone and a greyness was setting in on his face. She said, "For me that is the sign. I am not concerned with the medical advice. I am concerned with the inner signs. Sri Aurobindo has given the sign that now is the time to bury. So go and do it."

Of course after that I could only say to her, "Mother, I will bury him. I have the coffin ready. But I have the faith that the body is not decomposing and it will not decompose. It will last for thousands of years. This is my firm belief." The Mother said, "Udar, you keep your belief. I don't want you to lose your belief. But the body has to be buried." So I said, "Yes, I have made a coffin and now I will make an airtight lid in such a way that nothing from outside can get within. If it decomposes, it decom­poses by itself. Nothing from outside will be able to enter to attack it." The Mother said, "Yes, do that. That is very good. I fully approve." I made such a solid coffin and so heavy that it took ten people to lift the empty coffin.

The time came for the burial. The coffin was brought into his room and we lifted Sri Aurobindo up to put him into the coffin. A lot of liquid had come out of his body. Normally this body liquid has a foul smell. But in this case there was a celestial perfume. The whole mattress, the whole bed was wet with it. (For years the mattress carried the perfume.) I was drenched with it. Such a wonderful perfume! I did not change my clothes or take a bath for two days in order to keep that perfume with me as long as I could.

We laid him in the coffin. I used a rubber seal between the lid and the box with a large number of screws, so that nothing could enter the box from outside. I was down there in the pit when the coffin was lowered, head towards the east. It is just like lying in a water-proof room fully built of concrete. Then a concrete slab was laid. The Mother asked for marble slabs. It took days. The other room was left empty. For that I got some nice clean beautiful river-sand and had it washed and that room was filled with that sand and the concrete slab was put and the Samadhi was built.*

* When we placed the Mother's body in the Samadhi, I removed the sand very carefully and have kept it safely. It is the sand that has covered Sri Aurobindo's Samadhi chamber for 23 years and so is imbued with his force. This sand is now made into little packets ana given to devotees who want them. They can be had from me, at my office at Harpagon.

Even today I am fully convinced that Sri Aurobindo's body has not decomposed. There is another reason for my strong conviction. I have seen the body of Saint Francis Xavier in Goa and I noted then that it had shrunk, due to loss of liquid it had a grey colour as in the case of Sri Aurobindo's body, otherwise it was perfect. He died in China and was buried there. He had worked a lot in Goa and he had requested before he died that his body should be buried in Goa. In respect for his last wish the Church sent a team to bring his body. They dug it up and found that it had still not decomposed. It was still intact. It was brought to Goa and kept in a golden-framed case of glass. He was laid out in full priestly attire and kept open for exposition. Thousands used to go to these expositions.

Once, when I was a little boy, I went to one of them. Our whole family went and due to our very good contacts we were given a private Darshan. The body was so kept in its case that one could kiss the feet. When I went and saw the body I was really surprised. The nose and the eyelids were perfect. The body had shrunken. It had become quite small. He was a European. He must have had a white colour but now it was greyish. Otherwise everything was perfect. I really could not believe that it was a dead body and had been dead for hundreds of years. I thought that it must be made of wax. It seemed too perfect to be real. I was a very curious boy and had lots of queer ideas, so I wanted to be sure. As the feet were exposed I put out my hand and gave them a poke to see if they were really flesh and bone. I was convinced.

When I told this to the Mother she scolded me and said, "I know you were a naughty and curious little boy but, Udar, you did a very wrong thing. The fact that the body has not decomposed means that the subtle body is still with the physical body. Normal­ly the subtle body remains with the physical body for about six days. The ancients knew this. Many people have a sixth day ceremony, for that is the time when the subtle body gets dissolved. For six days the subtle body is very close to the physical body. It knows everything that happens to the physical body and feels it. So when people weep and cry and lament the subtle body suffers very much because it loves the people and it wants to respond to them but cannot do so. People don't realise how cruel they are to the person they love by all their weeping and lamentation. If they knew how the subtle body suffers they would not do it. In the case of St. Francis Xavier the subtle body continues to be there and is fully conscious. It was aware of what you did and was very unhappy about it."

I am sure that if it ever happens that the Samadhi is opened and Sri Aurobindo's body exhumed, it will be found to be intact.